> carrying around this lump on your stomach, knowing that it wasn’t me

skin gets stretched

you know its not you and it grows

emotional things

highly strung, didn’t smoke, felt a bit frumpy

extra fluid

> loss of waist, exercising keeping fit

no period

pheromones

> normal birth

> uterus

Labour

3am in the morning, all born on Sundays, at least that is the memory

It was cold, first week of winter,

Water never broke on any of the occasions

Very anxious the day before, had enough

Doc…’perhaps by the 7th’ Mum said lets go to the doctor.

Always had to break the water

No visuals can’t remember what that time was like

agitated

shower you shave off the pubic hair

muscles gear up, pressure contractions, not thinking about shopping or housework or much

they just take you along, come this way Mrs. O’Connor, experienced women

Sitting over in the lunch room having a fag, in the nurses quarter

seemed to me to be a great big open room

put your legs into stirrups

white sheets every where, pillars to lean on,

husband is there some where behind your shoulder,

its alien,

measure, how open the vulva? is measuring the openness of it

the baby has got to come out head first,

didn’t know boy or girl

we were all the right way up

beautiful experience

pain - the gas you breath in

me- short birth 3 or 4 hours, pushing down, pant, push, its like having a big poo

no faucets

did cut the back of my skin so it didn’t rip, prefer to cut than rip

then suddenly boomp!

head and shoulders and then the umbilical tube and a placenta follows - they like to look at these things because it shows the history of the birth, not of interest to me but

not with the others but with me

they got me Rachel on the boob, the breast expresses, nectar, and put me on the breast

they know, this is home. I think this is a very good thing. They didn’t do it with Georgie or Charlotte, but they did with you and i think it was a very good thing

A couple of weeks after they weigh the child, and direct you to put the kid on a bottle

Georgina and char were on the bottle and happy.

Health cover, they actually refunded him money, beautiful care

The baby sleeps with the other babies and they bring it to you

Great big fat tummy

feeling odd

Then 3 days after the birth deviously happy and then depressed, crying, have to look after the baby

Very confronting

Luckily there is two a pair, nursing caring looking after

It brings tears to my eyes, making clothes, washing the baby cleaning the baby, incredible regime of doing things

By the time i had you she was 17 months old, she was a terror, into everything, so aware of me (Rachel) possessive, very interested in  Rachel, didn’t really get enough attention

Eldest, often very interesting, very grown up, at about 3 she went off and making food for mum

Happy kid, RJR breast fed till about 6 months.

Carmel asn’t a very maternal mother, more interested in fashion, having parties, dressing us up and things like that. Dad was working very hard, keeping us together, funny little worries but very very real, having the gas cut off, etc…

Having children is a very, very serious business

I don’t know why women think they can do it for themselves, on their own, that man is gold to me, be half an equation and just tuck in

Religion has been a good stable, the sermons speak to me and helped me get though

Time went by we made our decisions

One day grandad come and brought this sand and we played on the kitchen floor with the sand. We just did what ever we wanted to do. Someimte i just missed the butcher. I’d just play and just goofed around.

You kids liked puzzles and had things to do and just played.

Sometimes i played some of the games with you but they bored me quickly. If i had my time again i’d set up a corner and made plays or

In Europe there was culture, we just had gum trees,

We’re not starved for culture

They’ve got grandeur and history

They have their own country

The Spanish, they are Catalanain there is this incredible depth of culture and family and England, the V and A and the people are totally ensconced there it’s their land, they’ve been there for thousands of years, everyone is picking on the new migrants.

Me dream -

We’re starved of our social

Dreams, its a fashion >



A few moments:


I cleaned up the bedroom, and i packed up the books from the room into a little bookshelf and i Rachel returned home and pulled all the books off the bookshelf and i should have just nursed you and hugged you, and so instead of trying to understand you I just pulled away. Something that i’d left that i had packed up and maybe you had wanted to…

didn’t comfort you much, but then i wasn’t comforted either

Having an open broad mind

Dad has a broad mind

Forgiving loving person